In a stunning display of athletic prowess and dramatic irony that would make even Shakespeare blush, renowned Olympic sprinter, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), stormed off the podium at the 'Inclusivity Games' after organizers announced gender-neutral awards for the 100-meter dash. Chad, known for his staunch belief that 'men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and everyone else should just stick to the hurdles,' initially refused to accept his medal, claiming it diluted his hard-earned victory. He declared the whole thing "a woke conspiracy orchestrated by the lizard people who run the International Olympic Committee." His refusal involved a surprisingly well-executed interpretive dance routine set to 'Barbie Girl,' which ended abruptly when he tripped over a rainbow-colored protest sign reading, "Trans rights are human rights… unless you're winning, then it's confusing!" But the real twist? Despite his initial protest, Chad later reappeared, inexplicably clutching the gender-neutral gold medal, while simultaneously livestreaming his acceptance speech onto OnlyFans. When questioned, Chad explained, "Look, I'm not saying the patriarchy doesn't exist; it clearly does, and it's really confusing. But free money's free money, right? Plus, I hear the gender-neutral trophy is made of ethically-sourced unicorn horn shavings. That's a win-win-win situation."