In a plot twist more dramatic than a Kylie Jenner lip kit restock, Brenda Bottledwater, the influencer famous for promoting a heteronormative aesthetic so rigid it could cut diamonds, has been named the Global Ambassador for 'Queer Couture' – a new fashion line so flamboyant it'll make Liberace blush.

Brenda, previously known for her Instagram posts featuring perfectly symmetrical families and gender-reveal parties involving enough blue and pink to paint the Sistine Chapel, now struts down runways in outfits that defy description (and gravity). We're talking feathered boas, platform stilettos that reach for the heavens, and enough glitter to make a disco ball weep with envy.

"It was a journey," Brenda explained in a press release featuring her wearing a dress made entirely of repurposed rainbow flags (and possibly a few stray pride parade banners). "I spent years believing only in a binary world of…well, let’s just say my previous aesthetic was as rigid as a Victorian corset. But then, I realized true freedom lies in embracing the fluidity of self-expression – a realization that came after a particularly awkward encounter with a drag queen who could make a better eyeshadow gradient than my entire social media feed."

Naturally, Brenda's transformation hasn't been without its critics. Many from her 'traditional' following are less than thrilled, with comments like, "What happened to our Brenda?!", "Cancel culture at its finest," and, most bafflingly, "This isn't what Jesus would wear."

But Brenda remains unfazed. "Darling," she purred in a recent TikTok featuring a flamboyant lip-sync battle with RuPaul’s Drag Race winner Bianca Del Rio (the outcome remains shrouded in mystery, as both emerged victorious), "change is inevitable. Embrace it, or get left behind like those beige cardigans from the 90s."

Experts predict Brenda's unexpected metamorphosis will send shockwaves through the influencer world, proving that even the most fervent proponents of traditional gender roles can be converted by the sheer power of a well-placed sequined jumpsuit. The future is fabulous, darling. Embrace the kaleidoscope!