In a shocking turn of events that has left the internet simultaneously gasping and Googling 'best glitter glue for beginners,' outspoken conservative leader Tucker Carlson has not only banned drag story hours in his district, but has also launched his own wildly successful one-man drag show, 'Tucking In With Tucker.'

Carlson, known for his staunch opposition to 'woke' ideologies and anything remotely resembling a rainbow, announced the ban with his usual fiery rhetoric, condemning drag queens as 'groomers' and 'subversive elements.' This declaration, however, was swiftly followed by the release of a promotional video featuring Carlson in a shimmering, sequined gown, dramatically lip-syncing to 'Born This Way' while perched atop a giant inflatable unicorn. The video's description simply reads: 'Get ready for a fabulous evening of stories, sparkles, and surprisingly gender-fluid interpretations of classic children's literature.'

The show, which sold out in minutes despite Carlson's earlier pronouncements, reportedly features retellings of beloved fairytales with a decidedly 'woke' twist. 'Cinderella's' stepsisters are now portrayed as entrepreneurial influencers who use their TikTok fame to launch a successful sustainable fashion line, while the Prince is revealed to be non-binary and incredibly open about their feelings. 'The Little Mermaid,' meanwhile, has been completely re-imagined as a powerful allegory of trans acceptance, complete with a musical number about the transformative power of hormone replacement therapy (H.R.T.).

Critics have called it a cynical publicity stunt, with one commentator describing it as 'the most brazen case of performative allyship this side of a Kanye West Sunday Service.' Carlson, however, remains unfazed, insisting that 'it's all about re-framing the narrative.' He's already planning a sequel featuring a provocative interpretation of 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' which sources confirm involves a surprisingly suggestive amount of cake. Tickets, naturally, are selling faster than a Kylie Jenner lip kit launch.

Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is reportedly torn. Some applaud Carlson's sudden, if bizarre, embrace of inclusivity, while others suspect a larger, more sinister plot involving tax evasion and a suspiciously large supply of high-grade glitter.

Only time will tell if 'Tucking In With Tucker' represents a genuine evolution in Carlson's worldview, or simply a well-executed, high-heeled attempt to avoid paying taxes.