In a stunning turn of events that has sent shockwaves through the heteronormative bedrock of Hollywood, Ryan Reynolds, the man who once played a superhero with a penchant for chimichangas and questionable life choices, has denied being bisexual... while simultaneously joining Grindr. Sources close to the situation (mostly gossipy pigeons outside his mansion) say the actor, father of three beautiful children and husband to the equally stunning Blake Lively, claims the bisexual rumors are 'categorically untrue…unless you count exploring all the flavors of human connection'.

The internet, predictably, exploded. Conservative commentators are predictably frothing at the mouth, clutching their pearls tighter than a Kardashian clutching a Louis Vuitton handbag. One particularly eloquent talking head, bless his cotton socks, suggested Reynolds' actions are a 'gateway drug' to… well, to apparently accepting anything outside the narrow confines of what he defines as 'normal'. Never mind the fact Reynolds' movies are saturated with innuendo, that he constantly plays with gender norms, and that his entire career has been built on witty subversion of expectations. Apparently, signing up for a dating app is somehow the ultimate betrayal of 'traditional values'.

Reynolds’ statement, released through his publicist (who was apparently on a Zoom call during the whole kerfuffle), read: 'Look, I'm a guy who likes to experiment... with comedy, with different roles, and, okay, maybe with exploring my full spectrum of human potential. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with a guy named Chad who claims to have a chimichanga recipe that’ll make Deadpool weep with joy. Let's see if this alleged Chad delivers what he promises.'

Experts (mostly queer people with PhDs in poking holes in heteronormative narratives) have offered several interpretations, ranging from 'It's a publicity stunt' to 'He's just living his truth', to 'Finally, a celebrity with the guts to mess with the fragile egos of right-wing pundits.' One theory suggests his next movie will involve a complex exploration of fluid sexuality, featuring a love triangle between him, Blake Lively, and a sentient toaster oven named 'Bisexual Brenda.' We’re not ruling it out.

The incident has reignited the debate on labels and self-expression, proving, once again, that the only thing more confusing than Ryan Reynolds' career is the reaction to him potentially being bi. Stay tuned for further developments, which will probably involve more witty tweets and questionable choices. It's Ryan Reynolds, after all.