In a move that has left the internet simultaneously gasping and Googling 'Chad Thundercock' (we're not judging), the notoriously heterosexual action star Chad Thundercock has launched 'Gay-laxy Network,' a new streaming service promising a diverse range of LGBTQ+ content. The announcement, made via a poorly-lit Instagram live where Chad struggled to pronounce 'non-binary,' sent shockwaves through the typically placid waters of the heteronormative swamp.
Thundercock, known for his roles in such groundbreaking films as *Explosions R Us* and *More Explosions: This Time With Motorcycles*, vehemently denies any personal connection to the queer community. 'Look, I'm as straight as a laser pointer,' he declared in a press conference attended by a gaggle of confused reporters and a very enthusiastic group of drag queens. 'It's just good business! Everyone's talking about inclusivity, so I thought, why not profit from it? It's like... woke capitalism, babes!'
The Gay-laxy Network's initial programming includes a reality show following a group of drag queens attempting to build a functioning rocket to Mars ('Drag to the Stars'), a documentary exploring the hidden lives of closeted squirrels ('Nutty for Equality'), and a surprisingly poignant sitcom about a transgender hamster named Wanda grappling with the complexities of modern romance ('Wanda's Wheel').
Critics have hailed the network's commitment to intersectionality, particularly praising its dedication to representing the LGBTQ+ community with a bewildering array of sub-genres, niches and obscure fetish-adjacent groups. One reviewer even suggested the network might accidentally create a wormhole to another dimension of pure, unadulterated queerness – a possibility Chad dismissed as 'totally awesome, but probably fake news'.
Meanwhile, several prominent conservative figures have denounced the network as a 'gateway drug to socialism' and a blatant attempt to 'undermine traditional values' while simultaneously quietly subscribing to the network's free trial. They claim their interest is solely for ‘research purposes,’ naturally.
The Gay-laxy Network is currently available on all major streaming platforms. Just don't tell your grandma; she’ll probably just think it’s a new type of astrological chart.
