In a move so ironically tone-deaf it's practically a symphony of self-awareness (or maybe just a desperate attempt to avoid a Pride boycott), Cuthbert “Cuthbert” Cuthbertson III, CEO of the surprisingly still-relevant perfume company, ‘Eau de Cringe,’ has banned all LGBTQ+ themed advertisements from his company’s platforms. Simultaneously, he’s launched a new line of perfumes called 'Pride & Prejudice: The Fragrance,' boasting scents like 'Glitter Bomb Gay Panic' and 'Tears of a Transphobe (Eau de Regret).'

Sources say that Cuthbertson, a man whose fashion sense hasn't evolved since the reign of disco balls and perms, believes the ban will appeal to his core demographic: elderly people who still think 'alternative lifestyles' are something you find on a hiking trail. Meanwhile, the rainbow-hued perfume line is being marketed as the ultimate in 'woke capitalism' – a bold stroke of genius or a blatant attempt to cash in on the rainbow dollar? Experts are divided.

'It's a masterpiece of cynical manipulation!' declared Dr. Anya Petrova, a leading expert in performative allyship. 'He's simultaneously alienating his potential LGBTQ+ customer base while simultaneously attempting to profit from them. It’s the capitalist equivalent of a well-executed Beyoncé dance routine – dazzling and completely devoid of genuine commitment.'

The perfume line launch party was, naturally, a spectacle. Attendees included a surprisingly large number of influencers who seemed unconcerned that their perfectly sculpted eyebrows were about to melt from the sheer concentration of rainbow-scented chemicals in the air. One influencer, known only as 'Mystique_Unicorn69', was heard gushing, 'It's like smelling a unicorn's tears after they've won a drag race against a sentient garden gnome! Truly groundbreaking!'

Meanwhile, critics have pointed out that this whole situation reeks of that classic 'I'm not homophobic, I have a gay friend' energy. Perhaps Cuthbertson could offer a third option: actually, you know, *not* being homophobic? Just a thought.