In a twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner lip kit refill, controversial influencer, Chad Thundercock (who famously declared that Pride parades were 'an affront to the sanctity of mayonnaise'), has launched a new line of candles called "Rainbow Vomit." The collection boasts scents like "Tranquil Tears of a Gender-Fluid Unicorn," "The Sweet Smell of Queer Acceptance (and a hint of patchouli)," and the surprisingly popular "Tears of a Cisgender Man Who Finally Understood His Wife's New Pronouns."

Chad, in a tearful (and heavily filtered) Instagram live, explained his sudden about-face. "It all started when my chihuahua, Princess Fluffybutt III, started identifying as a non-binary cat. I initially tried to reassert her canine identity through intense barking sessions and rigorous fetch training, but then, well… she started making better fashion choices."

His new brand promises to be "unapologetically inclusive," featuring candles made with ethically sourced soy wax (from soy beans organically grown by a gender-neutral collective of singing, dancing farmers), and hand-poured by a team of self-identifying pansexual artisans. Profits, Chad clarified, will "primarily fund lavish 'Straight Ally' retreats to Mykonos, for those brave souls grappling with the overwhelming truth that gay people are, in fact, really nice people who deserve equal rights."

Critics have hailed the move as a masterpiece of performative allyship, citing the irony of a man who once compared same-sex marriage to "a plague of disco-fever" now profiting from a product that explicitly celebrates LGBTQ+ identities. Others have simply taken to Twitter to express their confusion using various combinations of "what in the actual…" and copious amounts of shocked-face emojis. Meanwhile, Princess Fluffybutt III remains unavailable for comment, likely preoccupied with planning the next 'Straight Ally' Mykonos excursion. She's reportedly chosen the theme: 'Finding Your Inner Femmebot.'