In a twist more shocking than a Kylie Jenner lip kit recall, Brenda Buttercup, the self-proclaimed 'Queen of Traditional Values' and purveyor of all things heteronormative, has been named Gucci's newest queer fashion ambassador. Remember Brenda? The influencer who once declared that 'a woman's place is in the kitchen...making sure her husband's socks are perfectly matched'? Yeah, *that* Brenda.

Her Instagram feed, once a curated collection of perfectly-ironed blouses and pearl necklaces, now boasts rainbow-hued turbans and gender-fluid jumpsuits. Sources say the change was precipitated by a particularly potent ayahuasca retreat combined with a sudden, inexplicable understanding of Judith Butler's work. 'I've seen the light,' Brenda tearfully confessed in a recent TikTok, 'and that light is a gloriously sparkly, gender-bending, fabulous rainbow!'

Naturally, this news has sent shockwaves (or, as Brenda now calls them, 'waves of fabulousness') through the internet. Conservatives are clutching their pearls (which, ironically, are now considered 'oppressive symbols of patriarchal heteronormativity'), while the LGBTQ+ community is, to put it mildly, bewildered.

'It's like watching your grandma discover twerking,' commented one Twitter user. Another added: 'I'm all for fluidity, but I'm still waiting for an explanation of how this aligns with Brenda's previous endorsement of 'Traditional Family Values' – which apparently involved a suspiciously high number of Tupperware parties.'

Gucci, however, remains unfazed. 'Brenda embodies the very essence of paradox,' explains a spokesperson, 'and that's exactly the kind of disruptive, chaotic energy we're going for. Besides, her previous posts about 'proper etiquette for hosting a gender-reveal party' are now considered groundbreaking performance art.'

Brenda's upcoming collection features 'deconstructed masculinity' (basically just really ripped jeans) and 'fluid femininity' (a lot of sequins). One can only wonder what she'll think of next. Maybe a line of gender-neutral spatchcock chickens? Only time (and Brenda's next ayahuasca trip) will tell.