In a move that has simultaneously thrilled inclusivity advocates and baffled the perpetually confused, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Millbridge, Ohio, announced the cancellation of this year's Pride parade. 'Frankly,' she declared, addressing a crowd that included several bewildered squirrels, 'a parade is so…last year. We're moving beyond the antiquated notion of *celebrating* diversity; we're *infiltrating* it!'

Her solution? A bold, brazen, and frankly, slightly terrifying rebranding of Millbridge. The city's new logo? A shimmering rainbow flag, now emblazoned on every fire hydrant, police car, and unsuspecting citizen. 'It's immersion therapy,' McMillan explained, adjusting her rainbow-colored monocle. 'We're making diversity so inescapable, even the most ardent homophobe will eventually succumb to its undeniable charm—or at least, its overwhelming visual presence.'

Critics, mostly consisting of a disgruntled group of bingo players who now fear their weekly gatherings will be punctuated by interpretive dance performances, remain skeptical. 'It's not about the flag,' grumbled Agnes Periwinkle, 87, clutching her knitting needles like a pair of ceremonial daggers. 'It's about the *principle* of forced fabulousness! I want my bingo! Without glitter cannons!'

Meanwhile, the Millbridge Police Department has reported a sharp increase in sightings of unicorns, sparkly leprechauns, and men in tutus spontaneously bursting into interpretive dance. 'It's...disconcerting,' admitted Chief Brody, visibly unnerved by a rogue troupe of tap-dancing squirrels. 'But also… strangely compelling?'

Mayor McMillan, however, remains unfazed. 'If you can't beat 'em,' she quipped, unleashing a glitter bomb on a nearby reporter, 'join 'em! And wear rainbow.' Sources say she's planning to replace the town's annual pumpkin festival with a gender-neutral, multi-dimensional 'celebration of autumnal fluidity.' What could possibly go wrong?