In a shocking turn of events that has left the conservative community clutching their pearls (and possibly their Bibles), Mildred McMillan, a teacher known for her staunch opposition to ‘the gay agenda,’ has not only started a Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) club to ‘monitor’ its activities, but has seemingly undergone a complete metamorphosis, transforming into the club's most enthusiastic member.
McMillan, whose classroom decor previously consisted solely of framed portraits of Ronald Reagan and a slightly unsettling taxidermied squirrel, initially proposed the GSA under the guise of ‘keeping an eye on things.’ Her stated aim was to ‘ensure the club didn’t go full-on, you know… *rainbow*.’ Sources say she envisioned a club where students were gently reminded to keep their ‘alternative lifestyles’ under wraps. Instead, the GSA, now rebranded as the 'GSA: Glitter & Glamour Squad,' has become a haven of self-expression and extravagant flair.
Witness reports describe McMillan's transformation as nothing short of miraculous. Gone is the frumpy cardigan; in its place is a shimmering sequined blazer. The taxidermied squirrel has been replaced with a pride flag, and instead of lecturing on the dangers of ‘liberal indoctrination,’ she now teaches advanced drag techniques and the history of ballroom culture. According to student sources, McMillan now goes by 'Mimi McMillan' and leads the club in weekly vogue battles.
“I… uh… initially thought it was a good way to keep an eye on things,” McMillan/Mimi stammered, adjusting her dramatic purple feather boa. “But… the kids… they're so… *fabulous*. And the glitter… it’s just… *everywhere*. I’ve never felt so alive!”
Conservative groups are understandably outraged. A spokesperson for the ‘Protect Our Children from Sparkle’ organization released a statement condemning the incident as ‘a blatant attack on traditional values’ and called for the immediate removal of all glitter from the school. Meanwhile, the GSA: Glitter & Glamour Squad is planning a massive Pride parade through the school, and Mimi has already ordered a custom-made float shaped like a giant unicorn wearing a rainbow tutu. The squirrel, sadly, is now in witness protection.
