In a stunning display of corporate hypocrisy that would make even RuPaul gag, the CEO of MegaCorp, Bartholomew Butterscotch III, has been caught in a Pride-related paradox worthy of a reality TV meltdown. Butterscotch, famously known for blocking his marketing team's vibrant and inclusive Pride ad campaign (deemed 'too flamboyant' for the 'mature' MegaCorp demographic), was then photographed beaming at this year's Pride parade, holding hands with his wife, three children (one suspiciously dressed as a unicorn), and a surprisingly agile chihuahua in a rainbow tutu.
Sources inside MegaCorp (who wish to remain anonymous, lest they be forced to attend a mandatory sensitivity training session featuring interpretive dance) claim Butterscotch's decision to attend the parade was a 'last-minute family bonding exercise' fueled by tequila and a rogue viewing of *Queer Eye*. However, many are interpreting this as a calculated strategy of 'strategic homophobia' – publicly suppressing LGBTQ+ inclusivity while privately enjoying the benefits of a tolerant society, akin to sneaking into a Beyoncé concert while denouncing pop music as 'demonic'.
'It's like he thinks Pride is some kind of exclusive country club he can only enter with a family membership,' quipped one anonymous employee, who also alleges that Butterscotch’s chihuahua has been secretly training for a drag competition.
The social media response has been...predictable. Right-wing commentators are inexplicably furious, decrying the parade as a 'national security threat,' while liberal commentators are pointing out the absurdity of a multi-million dollar corporation's blatant hypocrisy, and demanding Butterscotch donate his entire net worth to the Trevor Project. Meanwhile, Butterscotch's wife has started a line of ethically sourced, rainbow-colored organic dog treats, proving that even in the face of controversy, capitalism always finds a way. Stay tuned for further developments, and remember to follow us on Instagram for more updates on this unfolding LGBTQ+ corporate circus!
