In a move that's simultaneously baffling and, frankly, *sus*, CEO Chad Thundercock of MegaCorp has announced a company-wide ban on gender-neutral bathrooms, citing concerns about 'potential for… uh… *cross-contamination* of… *vibes*. ' Sources close to Thundercock (who, incidentally, identifies as a 'fiscal conservative with a penchant for artisanal cheeses') whisper a different story. Apparently, Chad's been secretly constructing what he calls a 'Gender-Fluid Oasis' in his sprawling McMansion, complete with a shimmering amethyst toilet, mood lighting designed by a shaman who communicates with crystals, and a fully stocked bar featuring only organic, ethically-sourced, gender-affirming tequila.

"It's a sanctuary," one anonymous source, who claims to have received a cryptic invitation featuring a QR code leading to a video of Chad doing interpretive dance in a sequined jumpsuit, told us. "A place where Chad can fully embrace his inner… *fluid*. He insists it’s about 'personal autonomy,' but I think he just wanted a bathroom with a heated bidet and a personal attendant to wipe his… *posterior*. He also keeps referring to it as his 'Queertopia.'"

The ban has, predictably, sent shockwaves through MegaCorp. Employees are now forced to navigate the labyrinthine complexities of traditional gendered bathrooms, with some reporting increased anxiety and a noticeable decline in productivity. Meanwhile, Chad’s ‘Gender-Fluid Oasis’ boasts a waitlist longer than the line for Supreme drop, with whispers of an exclusive, invite-only 'Bathroom Enlightenment Seminar' led by Chad himself (featuring a slide show of his bathroom tile choices set to Enya). The irony, of course, is palpable – a man who rails against gender neutrality creates the ultimate gender-fluid sanctuary for himself. Is this capitalism, or just fabulousness run amok? Only time – and Chad's next Instagram post – will tell. #ChadThundercock #GenderFluidOasis #Queertopia #BathroomGate #IronyOverload #MegaCorpMadness #HeatedBidetLife