In a shocking revelation that's sent shockwaves through the heteronormative community (and slightly confused the scientific one), Professor Quentin Quibble, a gender-fluid biophysicist with a penchant for glitter and interpretive dance, has announced a groundbreaking discovery: LGBTQ+ behavior isn't genetic. Instead, he claims, it's a meticulously planned, interdimensional cloning project orchestrated by a cabal of flamboyant squirrels.

'It's all about choice, darling,' Quibble declared at a press conference, surrounded by rainbow-colored lab coats and a suspiciously large number of oddly-shaped avocados. 'These aren't genes, these are *preferences* – meticulously cloned preferences, replicated across timelines with the precision of a RuPaul's Drag Race runway walk.'

Professor Quibble's theory postulates that a secret society of squirrels, armed with advanced cloning technology and a deep understanding of queer TikTok trends, are responsible for the proliferation of LGBTQ+ individuals. These squirrels, he explains, select individuals worthy of 'the Queer upgrade,' based on their inherent fabulousness, which is apparently quantifiable using a complex algorithm involving glitter particle dispersion and the lyrical complexity of Beyoncé songs.

The scientific community is, understandably, divided. While some dismiss Quibble's claims as 'utterly bonkers' (a sentiment echoed by several leading heteronormative scientists who mysteriously haven't been seen since the press conference), others have been strangely captivated. Dr. Brenda Butterfield, a prominent evolutionary biologist, admitted, 'I still think it's nuts, but… those squirrels are *really* cute in his presentation slides.'

Regardless, Quibble has already filed a patent for his 'Queer Cloning' process, promising mass-production of bespoke queer identities – customizable by gender, sexuality, and preferred level of ironic detachment. 'Think of the possibilities!' he enthused, 'We could clone a whole army of Harry Styles-adjacent individuals! The world would be a much more fabulous place!'

Meanwhile, several conservative organizations have launched counter-protests involving very angry men in ill-fitting suits and pamphlets featuring poorly drawn squirrels. This, however, has been interpreted by Quibble as 'further proof of the success of his queer cloning initiative – they're clearly jealous of the squirrels' superior fashion sense.'