In a stunning turn of events that has left the local evangelical community sputtering more fire than a thousand drag brunches, Pastor Thaddeus Bile, known for his fiery sermons against the ‘deviant lifestyles’ of the LGBTQ+ community, has inexplicably become the unlikely champion of LGBTQ+ youth.

It all started, as these things often do, with a particularly poorly received sermon last Sunday. Bile, in his usual fire-and-brimstone style, railed against gay marriage, comparing it to ‘the abomination of a chihuahua wearing a tiny tutu.’ The congregation, however, was far from impressed. Whispers turned into shouts, and soon, Bile found himself facing a full-blown gay pride parade – albeit one taking place inside the church hall.

“The sheer volume of glitter,” Bile later confessed in an exclusive interview, clutching a sequined pillow that mysteriously appeared in his study, “it was… transformative. Like a spiritual awakening, but instead of God, it was a chorus of ‘Dancing Queen’ and the undeniable charisma of a drag queen named Chardonnay. I was born again – in fabulousness.”

Since then, Pastor Bile has undergone a complete metamorphosis. He’s traded his somber black suit for shimmering rainbow robes, adopted the stage name ‘Mother Thalia,’ and launched a wildly popular TikTok account (@MotherThaliasMinistryOfFabulousness) featuring lip-sync battles with children from the local LGBTQ youth group and tutorials on gender-affirming glitter application.

His former congregation is, understandably, less than thrilled. One member, clutching a pearl necklace that seemed to be actively trembling, said, “He used to preach about hellfire and damnation! Now he's teaching kids how to do a proper winged eyeliner. This is worse than… worse than a pineapple on pizza!”

Experts believe that Bile’s sudden about-face is a prime example of the ‘woke’ phenomenon, albeit one that involves a lot more glitter and far less political correctness. One leading sociologist, Dr. Ophelia Glitterbomb, noted, “It highlights the absurdity of judging an entire community based on outdated prejudices. It’s also a powerful testament to the sheer transformative power of glitter, darling.”

As for Pastor Bile/Mother Thalia? She's busy planning a Pride parade float, complete with a life-sized replica of her former self made entirely of recycled sermon notes. Apparently, even hellfire can't extinguish a truly fabulous spirit.