In a stunning display of what some are calling 'ironic brilliance' and others 'peak hypocrisy,' Senator Bartholomew Butterscotch, known for his recent fiery speech calling Pride parades 'a parade of perversion' and 'a rainbow-colored assault on traditional values,' has launched a groundbreaking new LGBTQ+ charity: 'Gays Against Gays.' The charity, which aims to 're-educate' LGBTQ+ individuals through rigorous sessions of 'heteronormative immersion therapy' (involving extensive viewing of *Leave It to Beaver* reruns and mandatory square dancing), has already received a record-breaking influx of donations, exceeding the combined fundraising efforts of all other LGBTQ+ charities in the past decade.
Senator Butterscotch's spokesperson, a surprisingly flamboyant individual named Chad Thundercock (yes, really), explained that the Senator's 'provocative' comments were 'a masterclass in reverse psychology,' intended to draw attention to the 'plight of the misunderstood heterosexual,' and to 'fundamentally dismantle the LGBTQ+ agenda through the insidious power of charitable giving.'
Critics have labeled the charity a 'fascist fantasy' and a 'queer-coded tax scam,' but others have lauded it as 'the most hilariously effective piece of social commentary since that time Kanye wore a MAGA hat.' The charity’s website features a bizarre amalgamation of stock photos of happy families, aggressively patriotic eagles, and a suspiciously grainy image of Senator Butterscotch performing a surprisingly graceful tango with a surprisingly muscular man, labeled 'The Senator’s Personal Trainer, and a staunch supporter of traditional gender roles.' Applications to become a 're-educated' member of the LGBTQ+ community are currently being processed, and rumor has it the waitlist is longer than the line for Supreme Court tickets.
Meanwhile, RuPaul has reportedly offered Senator Butterscotch a spot on *RuPaul's Drag Race* as a 'surprise guest judge' with the tagline 'Honey, this is what we call a *shade* of brilliance.' We’ll be keeping a close eye on the unfolding situation—and trying to figure out if Chad Thundercock is actually his real name.
