In a stunning turn of events that has the right wing clutching their pearls tighter than a Kardashian’s waist trainer, Chad Thundercock, a professional boxer known more for his homophobic rants than his right hook, has found himself unexpectedly recruited by the ‘Rainbow Rumble Queens,’ a fiercely inclusive all-queer women’s boxing league.

Thundercock, who famously boycotted the ‘Queer Queens of the Ring’ tournament last year, citing ‘unnatural’ fighting styles and ‘discomfort’ around glitter, has apparently had a change of heart (or perhaps a change of management). According to sources close to the Rainbow Rumble Queens, his initial protest was met with a thunderous response – a rainbow-colored barrage of glitter bombs and a TikTok challenge titled #ChadGetsGlitterBombed that garnered over 10 million views.

'He was, shall we say, less than thrilled,' said a gleeful Brenda Glitterbomb, spokesperson for the R.R.Q. and former Olympic-level glitter-thrower. 'But we explained our inclusive, body-positive, gender-fluid, pansexual, non-binary, and ethically sourced vegan training regime. He couldn't resist the artisanal kombucha and the rainbow-colored punching bags. Apparently, those 'unnatural' fighting styles involve some truly spectacular uppercuts.'

The recruitment comes as a surprising victory for LGBTQ+ inclusion in sports. Thundercock’s post-glitter-bomb conversion has spawned a new trend: ‘glitter-therapy,’ a practice where individuals with deeply entrenched homophobic beliefs are subjected to a carefully choreographed explosion of glitter and an intense viewing of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Early reports suggest it’s surprisingly effective, although one participant did require reconstructive surgery after accidentally inhaling a sequined feather boa.

While conservatives are predictably outraged, claiming this is proof of ‘woke indoctrination’ and ‘a slippery slope to complete societal collapse,’ the Rainbow Rumble Queens are preparing for their next match with a newly acquired, glitter-encrusted, slightly traumatized, but surprisingly agile boxer. Stay tuned for the next chapter in this wonderfully chaotic saga of redemption, glitter, and surprisingly effective queer therapy. And yes, Chad is now sporting rainbow-striped boxing shorts. The irony isn't lost on anyone.