In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, Senator Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson-esque-but-actually-named-Chad Worthington has banned rainbow flags from state buildings, citing concerns about 'visual clutter' and a 'lack of sufficient beige'. Simultaneously, he announced the grand opening of 'Rainbowlicious,' a cafe serving artisanal rainbow bagels, unicorn frappuccinos, and gender-fluid lattes.

Worthington, a self-proclaimed 'fiscal conservative' and 'social moderate' (a term his opponents describe as 'an oxymoron dressed in a poorly fitting suit'), explained his actions in a press conference that was mostly unintelligible, but featured repeated references to 'freedom of expression' and 'the economic benefits of sprinkles'. 'Look,' he thundered, gesturing wildly with a pink, glitter-encrusted spoon, 'I'm not against rainbows. I just think they're better suited to, uh, the consumption of sugar-laden beverages. It's all about strategic placement, folks!'

Critics have called it the most breathtakingly hypocritical action since the invention of the 'diet' soda. 'This is like banning Christmas trees while simultaneously opening a year-round Christmas shop,' quipped activist and renowned drag queen, Bob the Drag Queen (no relation). 'It's peak irony, baby! We're living in a real-life 'Schitt's Creek' episode, but without the charm.'

Meanwhile, lines snaking around the block for 'Rainbowlicious' suggest that Worthington's strategy may, in fact, be genius. 'The irony is delicious,' said one patron, sipping a latte topped with a miniature, edible rainbow flag. 'Literally.'

The incident has sparked a heated debate about the complexities of symbolic representation and the inherent gayness of excessive pastel use. While some are calling for Worthington's impeachment (or at least a mandatory sensitivity training session involving a very pink unicorn), others are quietly lining up for a second unicorn frappuccino. One thing's for sure: the internet is having a field day. #RainbowGate #ChadDoesWhatsChadWants #ConfusedButThirsty