In a move so shocking it's practically a rainbow-colored supernova, controversial influencer Chad Thundercock – known for his line of ‘Protect Your Children’ bumper stickers and ‘Straight Pride’ trucker hats – has launched a dazzling new collection of LGBTQ+ merchandise. Yes, *that* Chad Thundercock. The same one who once claimed that drag queens were trying to steal his collection of vintage Beanie Babies.
His new line, ‘Chad’s Coming Out Party,’ features everything from ‘Love Wins’ tank tops (ironically, made in a sweatshop in a country with notoriously strict anti-LGBTQ+ laws) to ‘Embrace Your Inner Queen’ mugs (although sources confirm the mugs were originally intended to advertise his new line of 'Alpha Male' energy drinks).
The internet, naturally, is ablaze. Some are calling it a brilliant stroke of capitalist genius; others are accusing him of appropriating queer culture for profit, citing his previous 'Free Hugs (Except for Those People)' campaign as evidence. Meanwhile, prominent LGBTQ+ activists are divided. Some are quietly accepting the royalties; others are demanding a public apology, a complete dismantling of his entire brand, and reparations in the form of a lifetime supply of rainbow-colored glitter.
"It's all about inclusivity," Thundercock claimed in a shaky Instagram live, sporting a rainbow wig that appears to have been borrowed from a local community theatre production of 'The Wiz.' "I've learned from my mistakes. I've seen the light. Or rather, the *rainbow* of light...and the lucrative market share it represents."
Meanwhile, experts are scratching their heads, trying to decipher whether this is a meticulously crafted piece of performance art, a desperate plea for relevance, or simply a sign of the apocalypse. One prominent sociologist commented, "It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion...but the train is made of money, and it's headed straight for a Pride parade." Stay tuned as this unfolding saga promises to be more chaotic than a RuPaul's Drag Race viewing party in a retirement home.
