In a shocking twist that would make even the most devoutly heteronormative head spin faster than a beyblade in a washing machine, Reverend Reginald Righteous, the fire-and-brimstone preacher who once called homosexuality 'a gateway to…well, more gateways,' has been caught in a, shall we say, *passionate embrace* with none other than Chad Thundercock, a hunky personal trainer with a penchant for kale smoothies and surprisingly sensitive poetry.

The scandalous photo, leaked on the surprisingly progressive app 'BibleTok,' shows the reverend not only kissing Mr. Thundercock, but also sporting a rainbow-striped sash and what appears to be a 'Love is Love' temporary tattoo discreetly positioned near his…well, you get the picture. Sources say the kiss was preceded by a heated debate on the theological implications of gender-affirming care, which, apparently, is quite the turn-on for these two.

The internet, of course, has gone utterly bonkers. Right-wing pundits are clutching their pearls tighter than a Kardashian to a sponsorship deal, while LGBTQ+ activists are celebrating the unexpected alliance – a kind of 'enemies-to-lovers' trope we’ve all been secretly yearning for. One Twitter user, @WokeAFQueen, simply tweeted, 'Honey, I told you conversion therapy doesn't work!' Another, @ConservativeKaren69, (go figure), called for a nationwide ban on kale smoothies, blaming them for the 'moral decay' of America.

Meanwhile, Reverend Righteous remains tight-lipped (though his lips have seen better days after the aforementioned passionate smooch). Chad Thundercock, however, issued a statement emphasizing the importance of self-love, acceptance, and 'the incredible versatility of avocado toast as a romantic meal.'

This whole situation leaves us with one burning question: Does this mean the rapture will now feature a Pride parade? Only time – and the mysteriously cryptic pronouncements of the now quite gay Reverend Righteous – will tell.