In a move that has left the LGBTQ+ community simultaneously baffled and suspiciously thrilled, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Millbridge, Ohio, has announced the cancellation of this year's Pride parade. Simultaneously, she unveiled a new city logo: a vibrant, slightly off-kilter rainbow flag.

"It's a strategic rebranding!" Mayor McMillan declared in a press conference that inexplicably featured a mime performing interpretive dance behind her. "We're not just celebrating Pride; we're *becoming* Pride! Think of it as a year-round, 24/7 Pride. No more single-day events, no more confined areas – Millbridge *is* the pride flag, baby!"

Critics, however, are not convinced. "This is blatant rainbow-washing," proclaimed Agnes Periwinkle, head of the Millbridge chapter of 'Gays Against Rainbow Capitalism.' "It's like replacing a single, genuine apology with a year-long supply of insincere compliments. It's performative, hollow, and smells suspiciously of cheap glitter glue."

Adding fuel to the controversy, the new logo, designed by a committee that included a self-proclaimed 'gender-fluid alpaca enthusiast' and a drag queen who goes by the name of 'Crystal Methyd' (a completely coincidental similarity to a certain RuPaul's Drag Race star, Mayor McMillan assures us), features an unusually large amount of purple. "Millbridge is now officially the most fabulous city on the planet," declared the mayor, completely oblivious to the fact that excessive purple might be interpreted by some as 'extra.'

The city's official slogan, unveiled alongside the new logo, is also causing consternation: "Millbridge: So Gay, It Hurts (in the best way, obviously)." Residents are already preparing for a possible surge in requests for back pain massages, a lucrative side hustle many anticipate capitalizing on. As the local bakery owner put it, "Business is booming! Finally, a good reason to triple my prices and sell overpriced rainbow cupcakes."

Whatever the outcome, one thing's for sure: Millbridge, Ohio is firmly in the spotlight, thanks to a mayor who clearly believes that more glitter is always the answer.