In a stunning turn of events that’s got the internet buzzing more than a beehive full of drag queens, Pastor Thaddeus Bile, known for his staunchly traditional views (and questionable toupee), banned rainbow flags from his church, declaring them ‘a symbol of Satanic decadence and glitter-induced hysteria.’ This, of course, came as a shock to absolutely no one. However, what happened next is what we in the journalism industry call a ‘plot twist’ – or, more accurately, a ‘divine intervention’ in the form of a 20-foot rainbow flag.

Seems the good pastor, while vehemently preaching against the ‘sinful rainbow,’ was unknowingly standing beneath a gigantic, vibrantly colored banner accidentally hung by the overly enthusiastic youth group. Their leader, a gender-fluid individual named 'Sparkle' (yes, really), explained the mishap as 'a little bit of holy queer serendipity.'

The congregation, initially aghast, erupted in a mix of gasps, giggles, and spontaneous interpretive dance. Pastor Bile, face as red as the brightest stripe on the flag, attempted to regain control by quoting Leviticus, but his voice cracked mid-sentence, replaced by the muffled sounds of Sparkle serenading him with a surprisingly catchy gospel rendition of 'Dancing Queen.'

Social media exploded. #WokePastor, #AccidentalPride, and #DivineGayness trended worldwide. One particularly insightful tweet read, ‘Turns out, God’s got a little more glitter in their wardrobe than we thought.’ Even Cardi B weighed in, suggesting Pastor Bile try a rainbow-colored wig to match his newfound ‘woke’ aesthetic.

Meanwhile, Pastor Bile is reportedly considering rebranding his church as ‘The House of Unexpectedly Gay Blessings,’ offering rainbow-themed communion wafers and a weekly drag bingo night. Sources say the only remaining rule is, no discussing the incident ever again. Because, you know…divine intervention. The end (for now).