In a twist so shocking it made RuPaul spontaneously combust with glitter, Hollywood heartthrob Brad Pitt has defied expectations and landed the lead role of Felicia Jollygoodfellow in the Broadway revival of *Priscilla, Queen of the Desert*. Sources say Pitt, previously known for his staunch (and suspiciously silent) stance on LGBTQ+ roles, underwent a radical transformation, reportedly fueled by a month-long retreat to a secluded California commune focused on 'deconstructing heteronormative narratives through interpretive dance and artisanal cheesemaking.'

This seismic shift has sent shockwaves through the already fragile ecosystem of conservative Twitter, where the hashtag #PittGotWoke is currently trending alongside #MyEyesBurn and #HelpMeImTrappedInASnowglobeOfRainbowConfetti.

'I’ve seen Brad in *Fight Club*, and let me tell you, this is far more concerning,' commented one user identified only as @MAGA_Karen45. Another chimed in, 'He's clearly been CANCELLED by the woke mob! They're forcing him to wear a dress! It's AN OUTRAGE! (And also, I’m totally gonna watch him in drag. Don’t tell anyone.)'

Pitt, however, remains unfazed. In a recent interview conducted through interpretive mime (because words, apparently, are too cisgender for his new enlightened sensibilities), he reportedly signaled a resounding 'Yas Queen!' to the world, while simultaneously juggling three rainbow-colored balls and serenading the interviewer with an impromptu Dolly Parton cover.

This unexpected turn of events has prompted renewed discussion about the potential for 'straight-washing' (where straight actors play gay characters, sparking passionate debate about representation and authenticity). Some critics claim Pitt's casting is the ultimate act of straight-washing, while others argue that his commitment to 'understanding the nuances of gender fluidity through the exploration of feathered boas and high heels' represents a monumental leap towards true inclusivity, potentially triggering the next evolution of queer culture: 'straight-adjacent-but-actually-queer-adjacent-adjacent'.

Whatever the outcome, one thing’s certain: Broadway's about to get a whole lot more fabulous (and possibly a whole lot more problematic, depending on your perspective). Get your tickets now before they sell out… which they will, because Brad Pitt in a sparkly dress, darling. That’s a full-blown cultural phenomenon.