In a shocking turn of events that has the entire Springfield Elementary School District questioning the very fabric of reality (and their tax dollars), former book-banning bastion of heteronormativity, Mrs. Deborah Higgins, has undergone a…transformation. Let's just say, she's traded her pearl necklace for a pride flag boa.

It all started, as these things often do, with a poorly-timed parent-teacher conference. While initially attempting to explain her decision to ban *The Gay ABCs* (because, and I quote, "It promoted lifestyles that… clashed with her deeply-held beliefs about the inherent moral superiority of vanilla ice cream"), Mrs. Higgins found herself inexplicably swept away by a wave of glitter cannons and the soaring vocals of a barbershop quartet performing a surprisingly soulful rendition of "I Will Survive."

Witnesses report a sudden, almost evangelical conversion. One student claimed, "She started speaking in tongues… or maybe it was just a very enthusiastic explanation of the fluidity of gender identities. Either way, it was intense."

Now, Mrs. Higgins is spearheading the district's new LGBTQ+ inclusive curriculum, which includes mandatory drag queen story time (featuring the legendary Miss Coco Caliente herself!), a field trip to the annual Gay Pride Parade (sponsored by Bud Light, naturally), and a newly-instituted 'Queer Theory' elective, where students will learn to deconstruct the heteronormative gaze through the lens of post-structuralist feminist critical theory (or, as the district superintendent more succinctly put it, "Stuff that will make those conservative parents' heads explode").

Critics, however, remain unconvinced. One disgruntled parent, identified only as 'Concerned Citizen Karen,' stated, "This is an outrage! Next thing you know, they'll be teaching kids that two dads can raise a child just as well as… well, you know. The horror!"

But Mrs. Higgins, now sporting a fabulous rainbow-colored afro and a newfound passion for activism, remains unfazed. "Embrace the fabulousness, darlings!" she declared at a recent school board meeting. "Diversity is the spice of life, and honey, this school district just got a whole lot spicier!" The meeting concluded with a spontaneous conga line, further proving that the only thing more chaotic than a school board meeting is a school board meeting where Mrs. Higgins now sets the agenda.