In a move that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly tone-deaf, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Millbridge, Ohio, has announced the cancellation of this year's Pride parade. Her reasoning? 'Too much Pride,' she explained in a press conference punctuated by awkward silences and the faint smell of desperation. Apparently, the sheer volume of rainbows was overwhelming city resources.

But hold onto your glitter-encrusted hats, folks, because here's where it gets truly *woke*. To compensate for this egregious lack of Pride, McMillan has unveiled a new city logo: a vibrant, technicolor rainbow splashed across a background that, according to the mayor's office, ‘represents the diverse spectrum of the human experience, except for those who still think ‘Adam and Steve’ is a groundbreaking comedy act.'

'It's a bold statement,' declared McMillan, clutching a giant rubber duck adorned with tiny rainbow flags. 'We're not just celebrating Pride, we're *becoming* Pride! It's like, if the LGBTQIA+ community and a particularly flamboyant box of crayons had a baby… a baby that's now our city’s brand identity.'

Critics, unsurprisingly, are divided. Some are outraged at the cancellation, while others are equally furious about the logo, claiming it's visually offensive, ‘like looking directly at a unicorn throwing up a Skittles volcano.' One irate Millbridge resident, Barnaby Butterfield (a man whose mustache alone embodies the word 'straight-laced'), reportedly stormed city hall, demanding the immediate return of the old logo – a rather drab depiction of a cornfield. 'At least the cornfield didn’t insult my delicate sensibilities with its vibrant, inclusive nature!' he thundered.

Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is grappling with this unexpected paradox. Is this a genius act of subversive resistance? A bizarre attempt at performative allyship? Or simply the result of a mayor who confused ‘Pride’ with a kaleidoscope explosion? Only time – and possibly a city-wide intervention – will tell. Regardless, one thing is certain: Millbridge is now officially the most visually striking town in Ohio, probably the entire Midwest. Maybe even the world… if the world suddenly developed a powerful, collective fetish for rainbows. Don’t discount it.