In a shocking twist that has sent ripples of confusion (and, let's be honest, pure delight) through the heteronormative heartland, renowned celebrity Chad Thundercock has vehemently denied being gay, despite photographic evidence showing him holding hands with a suspiciously handsome, suspiciously well-dressed individual who bears a striking resemblance to Chris Hemsworth's long-lost, even more ripped twin brother.

The photo, snapped outside a trendy vegan bakery (naturally), shows the pair sharing an intimate moment – a hand-hold of such undeniable affection, one might mistake it for a scene from a particularly steamy Hallmark movie…if Hallmark had the balls to actually make a steamy movie.

"I am not gay," Thundercock declared in a press release riddled with more loopholes than a Swiss cheese factory during a marathon cheese-eating competition. "This was merely a platonic gesture, a show of solidarity in the face of the rising tide of… uh… artisanal sourdough bread prices. It's crippling, you know?", he added, wiping away a suspiciously shiny tear.

However, eagle-eyed social media sleuths (and by sleuths, we mean a group of bored college students fueled by caffeine and a deep-seated desire to cause chaos) quickly uncovered further evidence. Apparently, the 'platonic' hand-holding session was followed by a shared avocado toast brunch, a trip to an exclusive dog grooming salon (for Thundercock's surprisingly pampered Pomeranian, 'Privilege'), and a whispered conversation about the merits of gender-neutral pronouns.

"Yeah, about the pronouns…" one social media user quipped. "It seems Chad's 'platonic' friend is already fluent in they/them. Coincidence? We think NOT!"

Regardless of the 'evidence', Thundercock’s denial only seems to have strengthened his following amongst certain groups. A particularly passionate online community, known as the 'Chad Thundercock Appreciation Society for Straight Guys Who Sometimes Hold Hands With Other Guys,' has sprung up, dedicated to celebrating the ‘ambiguous’ nature of modern masculinity. This, of course, only serves to further confuse the masses… and fuel the delicious satire of the entire situation.

In other news, the price of avocados has inexplicably skyrocketed.