In a move that's left the nation simultaneously baffled and questioning the very fabric of spacetime, Mayor Mildred McMillan, a woman whose political career has been as predictable as a Hallmark movie marathon, has canceled this year's Pride parade. But wait, there's more! She's simultaneously starring in a groundbreaking (and, let's be honest, slightly exploitative) gay-themed documentary titled, "Mildred's Metamorphosis: From Mayoral Monolith to Matriarch of Mayhem."

The documentary, airing exclusively on the newly launched streaming service 'Gayflix,' follows McMillan's 'journey' of self-discovery. Early trailers show her bravely attempting to use a gender-neutral pronoun (she accidentally calls herself 'it' for a solid five minutes), discovering the joy of wearing glitter (the scene where she spills it on her meticulously organized spreadsheet is breathtaking), and even bravely attempting a voguing session (the less said about that, the better).

'It's a testament to our evolving understanding of inclusivity,' McMillan declared in a press release, sandwiched between the release of her new line of 'Woke-oke' artisanal granola bars. The cancellation of the parade, she explained, was a 'necessary sacrifice to provide more 'authentic' representation' and because 'logistics are so hard. You wouldn't believe the permitting process for a single rainbow float.'

Critics have pounced, though. One disgruntled member of the local 'Straight Pride' chapter (the one whose members all wear ironic rainbow bandanas) has called the situation 'the biggest load of woke bologna I've ever seen.' Others have accused McMillan of blatant political posturing – a theory fueled by the fact that Gayflix is owned by a wealthy, enigmatic benefactor who just happens to be the Mayor's rumored new 'platonic life coach' and occasional 'spiritual advisor.'

Meanwhile, the city's LGBTQ+ community is torn. Some applaud McMillan's bold (though somewhat bizarre) commitment to representation. Others are more skeptical, suggesting that perhaps genuine allyship involves, you know, actually supporting Pride parades, and not just making a well-produced documentary about it. 'It's like she replaced the actual celebration with a carefully curated Instagram reel,' commented one activist, who then immediately proceeded to post a seven-minute long TikTok of their own reaction to the situation. The age of irony, indeed.

Stay tuned for further updates – assuming Gayflix doesn't get cancelled due to excessive glitter buildup on its servers.