In a stunning display of… well, something, Pastor Ezekiel Bile, known for his fire-and-brimstone sermons and questionable use of hair gel, has ignited a social media firestorm. After publicly burning a collection of Pride flags (allegedly acquired through ‘spirited negotiation’ with a local LGBTQ+ community center), Bile has launched a surprisingly successful line of rainbow-colored candles. The candles, marketed as ‘Holy Flames of Acceptance,’ are reportedly flying off the shelves, leaving many questioning the pastor’s sudden, lucrative embrace of… rainbows?

'It's a journey, darling,' Bile proclaimed in a recent livestream, his perfectly sculpted hair shimmering under the studio lights. 'First, I purge the unholy symbols of… *diversity*. Then, I monetize the very essence of the thing I just purged! It's… entrepreneurial. Very, very entrepreneurial.' He added that the proceeds from the candles will go towards buying more hair gel and a new, slightly larger cross for burning even bigger stacks of Pride flags.

Social media reactions have been… varied. Some accuse Bile of blatant hypocrisy, citing the irony of profiting from the very symbols he condemned. Others, however, see it as a masterclass in ‘spiritual capitalism,’ a shrewd blend of traditional conservative values and a keen understanding of the lucrative rainbow market. One particularly astute commentator on Twitter (@WokeAF420) noted, ‘He’s basically the capitalist manifestation of internalized homophobia. Genius.’ Meanwhile, several prominent drag queens have expressed interest in collaborating with Bile, seeing his unexpected business move as a ‘groundbreaking intersection of faith and fabulousness.’

Experts suggest that Bile’s actions highlight the complex relationship between religion, commerce, and identity in the modern age. They also suggest that perhaps he should invest in a flame-retardant wig. Because, honey, that hair gel is flammable. Just saying.