In a twist more shocking than a chihuahua wearing a monocle, renowned actress Mildred McMillan, famous for her outspoken opposition to ‘the lifestyle’ (as she charmingly refers to the LGBTQ+ community), has released her debut novel, "Myles of Lesbian Leather." The 500-page tome, described by publishers as a ‘sweeping epic of forbidden love and oiled biceps,’ details the steamy romance between two powerful female motorcycle mechanics in a surprisingly graphic manner.

McMillan, known for her public pronouncements comparing gay marriage to ‘a casserole of moral decay,’ vehemently denies any hypocrisy. "It's purely research," she stated in a press conference held in a room suspiciously devoid of sunlight. "I needed to understand the enemy… I mean, the *subject matter* to properly demonize it. And let me tell you, those leather chaps are *far* more comfortable than I expected."

Early reviews are… mixed. One critic praised the book's ‘unexpectedly nuanced portrayal of female desire,’ while another called it ‘an exercise in cognitive dissonance so profound, it threatens to unravel the fabric of reality.’ Gay rights activists are equally baffled, many opting for the dramatic 'shocked Pikachu' face rather than making a coherent statement.

The book's cover, featuring two women suggestively leaning against a Harley Davidson with a strategically placed wrench, has sparked countless memes and online debates. The most popular theory? McMillan accidentally published the manuscript she'd secretly been writing as a form of late-stage existential rebellion. Regardless, one thing is certain: Mildred McMillan's literary foray has made her less of a villain, and significantly more confusing.