In a move that's left even seasoned political pundits scratching their perfectly sculpted, gender-neutral heads, Senator Bartholomew Butterfield, known for his recent public mocking of Pride events as 'a parade of rainbow-colored nonsense,' has launched a groundbreaking LGBTQ+ charity: 'Butterflies and Bi-curiousity: A Foundation for…Well, We’re Still Figuring That Part Out.'
Butterfield, whose past statements include referring to drag queens as 'a threat to the fabric of our… argyle socks,' unveiled the initiative at a press conference that was, ironically, held in a venue decked out in enough glitter to blind a unicorn. The charity, he explained, aims to 'help LGBTQ+ individuals achieve their full potential… by understanding that potential is fluid, like gender, which is something we’re still totally figuring out'.
The Senator's sudden change of heart (or perhaps, change of marketing strategy) has been met with a mixed bag of reactions. Conservative groups are accusing Butterfield of cynical virtue signaling, pointing out the irony of his previous pronouncements. However, the charity's website, which features a kaleidoscope of colors, a sassy font, and a quote from RuPaul that appears to have been generated by an AI powered by tequila and glitter, has already attracted an influx of donations—mostly from people confused as to what, exactly, they're donating to.
"It's like a fever dream of woke capitalism," commented political commentator, Candace Owens, who apparently now only communicates in haiku. 'Glitter bombs and cash,
Fluid meanings, such a mess,
Confused, we all are.'
Meanwhile, the charity's logo—a butterfly with a gender-neutral pronoun on its wing—has become the subject of much debate. One expert, Dr. Agnes Pansexual, stated that the logo “captures the essence of performative allyship. It's as if he’s saying, ‘Look at me, I'm trying, really hard, I promise. I'm even using the correct pronouns, maybe?!’".
The future of 'Butterflies and Bi-curiousity' remains uncertain, but one thing is for sure: it’s already more successful at confusing people than anything else Senator Butterfield has ever done, which is saying something. The press conference ended with a live performance of a gender-bending interpretive dance routine, prompting one reporter to tweet, 'I think I just saw my heteronormative worldview die.'
