Local pastor and staunch defender of 'traditional values,' Reverend Bartholomew Buttercup, has ignited a firestorm of controversy after publicly declaring his church a 'gay-wedding-free zone.' In a sermon dripping with more hypocrisy than a chocolate fountain at a vegan convention, Reverend Buttercup thundered against the 'sinful abomination' of same-sex marriage, citing Leviticus (and a surprisingly well-worn copy of 'The Da Vinci Code').

However, eagle-eyed parishioners (and a particularly observant UPS driver) noticed a rather large, suspiciously sparkly package delivered to the reverend's residence last Tuesday. Upon investigation, it was revealed to be a custom-made rainbow tuxedo, complete with sequined lapels and a detachable cape boasting an impressive array of glitter. The recipient? Reverend Buttercup's son, Chad, who is marrying his fiancé, Brenda, next Saturday.

'It's...a very *expressive* statement piece,' Reverend Buttercup stammered to reporters, clutching a suspiciously crumpled copy of Leviticus. 'It represents...joy! And…the vibrancy of…uh…traditional family values! Yes! Absolutely traditional.'

Chad, when pressed for comment, simply winked and stated that the tuxedo perfectly complimented Brenda's 'mermaid-style, explosion-of-color' dress. Brenda's mother, however, has reportedly filed a restraining order against the tuxedo.

The church has yet to comment on whether the wedding will feature a traditional bouquet toss or a spontaneous interpretive dance featuring feather boas and glow sticks. Stay tuned.