In a stunning display of cognitive dissonance that would make even a quantum physicist scratch their head, Instagram influencer Brenda Glitterbombs has launched a crusade for ‘traditional gender roles’ – while simultaneously modeling a gender-neutral jumpsuit from her own line, ‘Butch Barbie’s Unisex Emporium.’

Brenda, whose signature look involves a kaleidoscope of clashing neon colors and enough glitter to blind a small nation, insists that her new campaign, ‘#BringBackThePatriarchyButMakeItFashion,’ is a groundbreaking movement. "It's about reclaiming femininity," she explained in a recent Instagram live, while simultaneously adjusting her strategically-placed nipple tassels. "Real femininity! The kind that involves meticulously curating my Instagram feed to project an image of effortless perfection, all while secretly sobbing into a venti iced latte because my algorithm is failing me."

Critics have, unsurprisingly, labeled the campaign a ‘masterclass in irony,’ a ‘monumental flop,’ and a ‘reason to question the very fabric of reality.’ One particularly astute commentator, @ChadThundercock69, simply wrote, ‘Wut.’

Brenda’s gender-neutral jumpsuit, however, continues to sell out. Described by fashion experts as ‘surprisingly comfortable’ and ‘easily adaptable to various levels of self-induced existential dread,’ the garment has become a symbol – albeit a highly confusing one – for this new wave of traditionalist feminism.

The campaign has already spawned countless memes, including one featuring Brenda’s face superimposed onto a painting of the Mona Lisa wearing a sparkly onesie and wielding a tiny, glitter-encrusted battleaxe. The caption? "When you're fighting for traditional gender roles, but your Etsy shop is named ‘Queercore Kitsch.’"

Experts predict that this baffling contradiction will continue to fuel internet discourse for at least the next 24 hours, or until another equally perplexing influencer-led movement emerges to usurp its place in the collective cultural zeitgeist. Stay tuned for updates, and remember, kids: always question authority. Unless that authority is selling fabulous, gender-neutral jumpsuits. Then just buy the damn jumpsuit.