In a stunning twist that has left the woke-industrial complex both baffled and aroused, mega-corporation, 'Grumblestein Corp.' CEO, Chad Thundercock, has been exposed as a secret agent of the rainbow revolution. Initially, he publicly rejected sponsoring this year's Pride parade, citing concerns about 'alienating the traditional family values demographic' (a demographic that suspiciously resembles a collection of taxidermied squirrels). However, a subsequent leak revealed a hefty donation to the 'It Gets Glitterier Foundation', a charity dedicated to providing glitter cannons and gender-affirming rhinestones to underprivileged drag queens.

Experts are baffled. Was this a brilliant double bluff? A strategic move to infiltrate the enemy camp? Or simply an act of pure, unadulterated chaotic good? One leading theorist, Professor Karen McFluffington of the University of Woketopia, suggests: "This is textbook queer subversion! By rejecting overt support, Thundercock has expertly masked his true intentions. Think about it – he’s now a martyr for the cause, a closet case who secretly funds the flamboyant expression of the marginalized. He's basically a real-life version of the character 'Hans' in that one Disney movie – the one who says he hates gay people but has secretly knitted a thousand tiny rainbow scarves."

Others are less convinced, claiming it's all part of a sinister, capitalist-fueled plan to commodify the LGBTQ+ community. "He's using our rainbow tears to fuel his corporate engine," one anonymous Twitter user lamented, adding, "also, can I get some of that glitter?".

Whatever the case, one thing is certain: Chad Thundercock’s actions have created a paradox of such magnificent proportions that it will certainly generate several very angry thinkpieces on Breitbart. The ultimate irony? In an attempt to keep things 'straight', Thundercock has ended up profoundly bent. And honestly? We're living for it.