In a move that has left the town of Monotonia, Ohio, simultaneously baffled and bedazzled, Mayor Mildred McMillan has banned the display of rainbow flags on public property while simultaneously transforming her office into a technicolor dreamcoat of LGBTQ+ pride. The mayor, a self-proclaimed 'ally' who recently completed a weekend 'Queer Theory for Dummies' course (apparently, the 'dummies' part was optional), explained her decision with the characteristic flair of someone who clearly hasn't considered the potential for irony.
"The blatant display of rainbow flags," she declared in a press conference held amidst a swirling vortex of iridescent glitter cannons, "is simply…too mainstream! It’s become, dare I say, *heteronormative* in its ubiquity. We need to subvert expectations! Think outside the flag, people! We need a deeper, more visceral experience of rainbow-ness!" The mayor then proceeded to demonstrate her point by dramatically unveiling a newly commissioned mural depicting a hyperrealistic rendering of RuPaul Charles riding a unicorn made of disco balls, a piece that is, according to the mayor, a 'powerful metaphor for the liberation of the inner queen within us all.'
Critics, however, are less than impressed. Local resident and self-described 'patriot' Barnaby Butterfield stormed out of the press conference clutching a pearl necklace, muttering something about the 'socialist agenda' and the 'erosion of traditional values' (while subtly adjusting his MAGA hat that inexplicably featured a glitter-encrusted unicorn). Others have accused the mayor of 'rainbow-washing,' claiming that her actions are purely performative and designed to distract from her allegedly questionable use of taxpayer money on artisanal unicorn-shaped macarons.
Meanwhile, the mayor continues to bask in the glow of her rainbow-hued office, which is now rumored to feature a fully functional glitter-cannon-equipped karaoke system and an on-site drag queen story hour every Tuesday. 'It's about inclusivity,' the Mayor chirped, 'and also, the lighting is just *fabulous*. It really brings out the color in my hair.'
