In a groundbreaking (and frankly, bewildering) turn of events, Dr. Bartholomew Butterfield, a renowned geneticist known for his staunch belief in the non-existence of LGBTQ+ genes, has married his long-term partner, Chad Chadlington, in a lavish ceremony officiated by a drag queen Elvis impersonator. The event, which featured a three-tiered cake shaped like a rainbow-colored DNA helix (ironic, much?), has sent shockwaves through the scientific community and, dare we say, the very fabric of spacetime itself.
Dr. Butterfield, in a statement released shortly after exchanging vows (and possibly rings shaped like tiny, sparkling chromosomes), explained that his years of meticulous research conclusively proved that homosexuality is not genetically predetermined. "It's all about choice, people! Pure, unadulterated, fabulous choice," he declared, before passionately kissing Chad, who was sporting a sequined tuxedo and a suspiciously familiar-looking tiara.
However, the scientific community remains divided. Some hail Dr. Butterfield's research as a monumental triumph, while others question the methodology. "His control group consisted entirely of drag queens from RuPaul's Drag Race. The results might be slightly…biased," commented Dr. Agnes Perkins, a leading geneticist specializing in the study of glitter's impact on DNA replication. She later added, "The glitter alone warrants another grant."
Meanwhile, social media has exploded with a mix of outrage (mostly from accounts with profile pictures of angry-looking cats), bewildered acceptance (from accounts with profile pictures of cats wearing tiny hats), and memes featuring Dr. Butterfield photoshopped onto the cover of Vogue. One particularly popular meme depicts him side-by-side with a photo of a perfectly straight banana, with the caption: 'The ultimate proof that straightness is a total banana!'
The moral of the story? Science is messy, marriage is fabulous, and maybe, just maybe, the search for the ‘gay gene’ is less about finding a gene and more about finding love – even if that love requires a three-tiered, rainbow-colored DNA helix cake.
