In a move that's left political commentators scratching their perfectly sculpted beards (and possibly questioning their own gender identities – it's 2024, darling!), Senator Barnaby Bigglesworth, notorious for his staunch opposition to any legislation remotely smelling of lavender and glitter, has been revealed to be the anonymous benefactor behind a massive expansion of 'Drag Queen Story Hour' across the nation.

Bigglesworth, who recently filibustered a bill granting same-sex couples the right to adopt goldfish (on the grounds that it might 'confuse' the goldfish), has reportedly donated a sum equivalent to the GDP of a small Caribbean island to the 'Glimmering Gowns for Gender-Bending Goodness' foundation. Sources within the organization whisper of a secret meeting where Bigglesworth, clad in a full-length sequined gown (possibly borrowed from RuPaul's personal collection), was seen enthusiastically discussing the merits of gender-affirming tutus.

"It's a masterclass in subversive political strategy," claims Professor Quentin Quibble, a gender studies expert with a penchant for brightly colored socks. "By publicly opposing LGBTQ+ rights while secretly funding their expansion, Bigglesworth is engaging in a complex performance of performative allyship. He's basically the political equivalent of that guy who complains about the avocado toast shortage while secretly owning a chain of avocado farms."

Critics, meanwhile, are baffled. One particularly irate commentator, known only as 'Chad Thundercock' (we assume that's his real name), sputtered something about 'liberal elites' and 'the destruction of Western civilization' before abruptly hanging up the phone. We suspect Chad might need a hug (and possibly a more substantial vocabulary).

Bigglesworth himself remains tight-lipped, releasing a statement simply reading: "The patriarchy is a myth. Also, invest in glitter. It's going to be huge." We'll keep you updated on this rapidly unfolding, sequin-studded saga.