In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of both outrage and sequins across the nation, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's nephew (allegedly – sources remain suspiciously vague) – a semi-professional cornhole player named Chad Thundercock – has sparked a controversy. After publicly mocking the ‘rainbow-washing’ of his local bowling league’s Pride jerseys (calling them ‘too pastel’ and ‘lacking in sufficient glitter’), Chad has unveiled his own ‘Hyper-Pride’ apparel line.

This isn’t your grandma’s Pride parade gear. We’re talking full-body sequined burkas with strategically placed cutouts (for maximum breathability, Chad insists), Crocs heels adorned with miniature Pride flags and miniature rainbow-colored dildos (tastefully, of course), and a range of t-shirts featuring slogans like ‘I’m not homophobic, I just think rainbows are a bit *too* happy’ and ‘Straight people: Get in line – literally’.

The collection, according to Chad's social media, was created to ‘truly represent the full spectrum of the LGBTQ+ community, including those who identify as ‘extra’ and ‘fabulous AF’.’ Critics, however, see it as a blatant attempt at commodifying Pride. One particularly irate commentator (identified only as ‘Becky from Book Club’) posted on Facebook: ‘This is an outrage! It's not the *actual* Pride that I know and hate, it's a caricature! I don't even get the burkas. Like what's the point? My Bible says nothing about fabulous burkas!'.

Meanwhile, Chad’s publicist (who, ironically, goes by the name Brenda Glitterbomb) has released a statement, clarifying that all profits from the ‘Hyper-Pride’ line will be donated to… Chad's new yacht fund. ‘Think of it as rainbow capitalism with a side of extra,’ Brenda added. The internet, predictably, has exploded. Some are calling it a masterpiece of subversive satire, others are calling for a national holiday dedicated to burning all sequined burkas. Whatever your opinion, one thing’s for sure: Chad Thundercock has certainly made his mark. And it’s sparkly.