In a shocking twist worthy of a Netflix documentary about a closeted crypto-queer, renowned geneticist Dr. Bartholomew Straightlace has been exposed – not for his heteronormative views, as expected, but for his *secret* research proving the existence of the elusive 'gay gene'. The revelation, whispered amongst the rainbow-hued lab coats of the scientific community, came after a rogue intern leaked images of Dr. Straightlace's 'Mom's Basement Research Facility' – a cluttered space where the esteemed professor apparently hides his groundbreaking, yet surprisingly rainbow-colored, findings.
Dr. Straightlace, previously famous for his adamant pronouncements that LGBTQ+ identities are 'lifestyle choices,' appears to have undergone a complete metamorphosis, at least in the privacy of his mother's basement. Sources report finding stacks of research papers titled 'The Astonishing Power of the Gay Gene: Explaining Why My Nephew, Chad, Is So Good at Drag', alongside a half-eaten box of 'Queerios' (a suspiciously delicious-sounding cereal). One particularly intriguing document describes a 'complex interplay of chromosomes, glitter, and the inexplicable allure of RuPaul's Drag Race.'
The scientific community is, predictably, in an uproar. A statement released by the American Association for the Advancement of Science (AAAS) read: "While we commend Dr. Straightlace's dedication to scientific inquiry, the apparent hypocrisy is... well, let's just say it's more chaotic than a Pride parade in Times Square."
Meanwhile, Dr. Straightlace’s mother, Agnes, has released a statement expressing disappointment: "Bartholomew always was a bit of a drama queen. First, he was convinced he was a Sasquatch, now this? Honestly, the man needs to choose a personality. And clean his room!" We're waiting to hear if she’ll be opening a GoFundMe to help her son fund his increasingly fabulous research. If she does, we're sure the donations will be exclusively in the form of glitter and artisanal Pride-themed bath bombs. This story continues to unfold – more as it develops… and as we figure out where Dr. Straightlace hid the rainbow-colored confetti cannons.
