In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and erect (in a purely metaphorical sense, we're assuring the easily offended), CEO Reginald Hardbottom of Hardbottom's Hammered Hammocks has banned all rainbow-themed advertising from his company, while simultaneously debuting a dazzling, sequined rainbow suit that would make even RuPaul do a double-take. The internet, of course, has exploded with theories ranging from 'brilliant marketing ploy' to 'midlife crisis fueled by a clandestine relationship with a flamboyant llama'.

Hardbottom, known for his previously staunchly conservative views (he once publicly declared that the only thing he supports more than capitalism is the right to not support capitalism, which, ironically, he then followed by creating a self-help book for achieving financial dominance), explained his contradictory actions with a statement that’s even more confusing than a Kylie Jenner product line: 'I'm simply reclaiming the rainbow. It's not about *their* pride, it's about *my* pride! My pride in my…well, my fabulousness. And the unwavering profit margins of Hardbottom's Hammered Hammocks!'

Social media has gone wild. #HardbottomRainbow is trending, and memes are flying faster than glitter at a Beyoncé concert. One particularly witty meme shows Hardbottom's face superimposed on a picture of the Wicked Witch of the West melting, but the caption reads, 'Reginald Hardbottom realizing his own internalized homophobia is stronger than his commitment to hetero-normative branding.'

Meanwhile, LGBTQ+ activists are torn. Some praise the ironic subversion, likening it to the time Cardi B wore that enormous wig and convinced everyone it was fashionable, while others call it the ultimate capitalist co-optation, arguing it's like when a company pledges to 'do better' for diversity only to have a staff lunch with exactly zero representation outside of cisgender white men.

Regardless, one thing is certain: Reginald Hardbottom has made himself the talk of the town – and possibly the star of the next season of *Queer Eye*. Jonathan Van Ness is reportedly already on his way to Hardbottom's Hammered Hammocks with a makeover kit and a strong suspicion that Hardbottom’s entire situation could be solved by a good cry and a perfectly tailored blazer.