In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and glitter-bombed, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her surprisingly robust collection of porcelain kittens, has banned all Pride celebrations in the city of Harmony Glade. Simultaneously, she dropped a surprise synth-pop album, "Glitter & Gays," featuring tracks with titles like "Electro-Queer Tango," "Unicorn Tears (A Ballad)," and the surprisingly upbeat "Conversion Therapy's My Therapy (Because It Didn't Work)."

The mayor's office, predictably, is denying any connection between the two events. "Mayor McMillan's decision to ban Pride is purely based on concerns about the potential disruption of the annual chihuahua beauty pageant," stated press secretary Chad Chadlington, whose own suspiciously flamboyant wardrobe seems to contradict the statement. "The album? That's just a hobby. A very, very gay hobby. Don't ask about the interpretive dance sequences in the 'Unicorn Tears' video. It's...complicated."

Conservative pundits are, understandably, having a collective meltdown. "This is an outrage!" bellowed Barnaby Butterfield, a commentator whose knowledge of LGBTQ+ issues seems to consist mainly of the time he accidentally wore a rainbow tie. "First they take our jobs, then they take our heteronormativity, and now they're forcing us to listen to synth-pop? This is the end times!"

However, the LGBTQ+ community is less than thrilled. "It's like she's mocking us," explained activist Sasha Sparkle, adjusting their shimmering, seven-foot-tall headdress. "It's the equivalent of banning Christmas and then releasing a Christmas album called 'Jingle Balls.' It's just... tone-deaf. Though, I will admit, the bassline in 'Electro-Queer Tango' is killer."

Meanwhile, sales of "Glitter & Gays" are skyrocketing, surpassing even Beyoncé's latest album (which, according to the mayor's office, is simply "not nearly as gay"). The mayor, reportedly, is spending her days planning the chihuahua beauty pageant and practicing her interpretive dance moves. The future of Harmony Glade remains uncertain, but one thing is clear: this is the weirdest political saga since that time someone ran for office on a platform of mandatory interpretive dance for all citizens. We're talking full interpretive dance, people.