In a move that's left the nation simultaneously baffled and strangely aroused, Mayor Mildred McMillan of Middleburg, Ohio, has simultaneously banned all forms of LGBTQ+ activism within city limits while simultaneously launching a lucrative franchise of 'Gaymer's Guild' arcades. The arcades, McMillan insists, are "purely capitalist endeavors, celebrating the entrepreneurial spirit of our vibrant LGBTQ+ business community." Critics, however, are questioning the logic (and the sheer audacity) of this paradoxical policy.

"It's like banning sunshine while simultaneously selling high-SPF sunscreen," quipped local activist, Chad Thundercock (yes, that's his real name). "The cognitive dissonance is so profound, it's almost… artistic. Like a performance art piece exploring the complexities of late-stage capitalism's relationship with performative allyship."

McMillan, in a press conference that inexplicably involved a live unicorn (allegedly named 'Glitterhoof'), defended her actions. "We believe in supporting our LGBTQ+ entrepreneurs," she stated, adjusting her rainbow-sequined blazer. "But let's be clear, activism is disruptive. It clashes with the carefully curated, consumer-friendly image of inclusivity we've built here in Middleburg. Think of it as a curated authenticity; authenticity as a product, if you will."

The Gaymer's Guild franchise itself features aggressively inclusive branding: rainbow-colored joystick controllers, gender-neutral avatars, and a monthly 'Drag Queen Dance-Off' tournament. However, protests outside the arcades are met with stern security, with reports of protestors being subtly persuaded to participate in the aforementioned dance-offs. One protestor, overheard weeping into a rainbow-colored milkshake, mumbled something about "subtle coercion and the inherent contradictions of consumerist activism."

Meanwhile, the city's official Pride parade has been replaced with a 'Capitalism Pride Parade,' featuring floats showcasing local LGBTQ+ businesses and a grand finale featuring a synchronized dance performance by the Mayor and Glitterhoof. The event is sponsored by the Gaymer's Guild, naturally. It's said that the unicorn’s contract includes a clause stating it is not liable for any existential crises caused by the sheer absurdity of the situation.