In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples of…well, mostly confusion…through the usually placid waters of suburban Springfield, activist extraordinaire, Barnaby Butterfield, has declared war on gender-neutral bathrooms. Not by protesting their existence, mind you, but by banning them entirely. Barnaby, known for his avant-garde interpretations of gender fluidity (and his uncanny resemblance to a startled ferret), claims public restrooms are inherently cisnormative spaces that fail to adequately address the nuanced spectrum of gender expression. His solution? He's built a gender-neutral bathroom in his own home, a dazzling kaleidoscope of iridescent tiles, mood lighting, and a surprisingly extensive collection of artisanal soaps.

"These public facilities," Barnaby declared in a press conference held in his newly constructed bathroom (complete with a live DJ spinning '80s power ballads), "are mere simulacra of acceptance. They're performative allyship! I, on the other hand, am creating a truly inclusive, radically authentic space, a haven for the genderqueer, the non-binary, and anyone who dares to question the very fabric of societal bathroom norms."

Critics have called Barnaby's actions everything from "hilariously absurd" to "a spectacular example of performative activism." One particularly irate individual, identified only as "Chad" (Chad Thundercock, according to some less-than-reliable sources), commented, "This whole thing is just ridiculous. I mean, where am I supposed to go now? Back to the bushes?"