In a move that has left even the most seasoned LGBTQ+ activists scratching their perfectly-manicured heads, Mayor Mildred McMillan, a woman whose political career has been as predictable as a Taylor Swift album release, has cancelled this year's Pride parade. Simultaneously, she's announced her starring role in a groundbreaking new documentary titled, "Gay-sian Fusion: Finding My Inner Drag Queen in the Heart of Iowa."
The documentary, apparently funded by a mysterious benefactor known only as "Auntie Mame," promises an intimate look into McMillan's journey of self-discovery. Sources whisper of scenes involving interpretive dance to ABBA, emotional breakthroughs achieved through competitive pickleball, and a particularly poignant moment where she realizes her true calling is as a gender-fluid interpretive mime.
Naturally, the cancellation of the Pride parade has been met with outrage… outrage that was promptly drowned out by the deafening roar of publicity surrounding the documentary's premiere. Activists are now debating whether this constitutes ‘rainbow capitalism’ taken to a hilariously absurd extreme, or just plain old-fashioned political maneuvering disguised as a spiritual awakening.
'It's like she's trying to have her cake and eat it too,' one activist, identified only as 'Chadwick,' remarked, adjusting their rainbow-colored unicorn onesie. 'Or, perhaps, have her cake, eat it too, and then film a documentary about the transformative power of cake-eating.'
Meanwhile, Mayor McMillan, sporting a shimmering, gender-neutral jumpsuit and a dazzling smile, remains tight-lipped, claiming only that ‘the universe works in mysterious ways.’ Her publicist added that a companion cookbook, "Gaysbian Fusion Cuisine: Recipes for the Soul," is in the works, with proceeds benefitting… well, that’s still under wraps.
One thing's for certain: this isn’t your grandma's Pride parade. And if your grandma is anything like Mayor McMillan's grandma, she's probably busy knitting tiny, rainbow-colored tutus for the documentary's premiere party.
