In a plot twist more shocking than the ending of *Game of Thrones* (and arguably less confusing), renowned homophobe and fitness guru Chad Thundercock has released a 700-page lesbian space opera titled *Galaxy Gays: The Rise of the Rainbow Rebellion*. The novel, featuring intergalactic same-sex marriage, sentient dildos fighting for galactic freedom, and a surprisingly poignant subplot involving a genderfluid nebula, has sent shockwaves through the conservative community – mostly because they're all desperately trying to buy copies to burn (but secretly enjoying the surprisingly steamy prose).
Thundercock, known for his outspoken opposition to 'woke agendas' and his belief that rainbows are a government conspiracy to control our minds through color manipulation, claims the book is 'purely fiction, a work of pure imagination.' He insists the emotionally charged scenes of lesbian space pirates battling a tyrannical patriarch are merely 'creative license.' Sources close to the author, however, whisper that Chad's sudden about-face might have something to do with the lucrative six-figure advance he received, the endorsements from several prominent LGBTQ+ organizations, and the sheer terror of his agent threatening to out him as a secret subscriber to *Queer Eye* magazine.
The book’s cover depicts two muscular space lesbians locked in a passionate embrace against a backdrop of a shimmering, gender-fluid nebula, the colors of which inexplicably change according to the reader's sexual orientation (a feature, apparently, achieved through cutting-edge, rainbow-infused quantum entanglement technology – or so the marketing claims). Critics are divided, with some praising the novel's surprisingly nuanced exploration of LGBTQ+ themes, while others are busy writing strongly worded letters to their congressmen about the dangers of 'rainbow propaganda' and how it 'ruined their perfectly good heteronormative worldview'. Meanwhile, sales are through the roof, proving once again that even the most fervent homophobes can’t resist a good space lesbian romance… unless they’re just too scared to admit it.
