In a stunning turn of events that's got the internet buzzing more than a hive of gender-nonconforming bees, Mayor Mildred McMillan, known for her vehemently anti-transgender stance and recent public declaration that 'trans rights are ruining the sanctity of crocheting,' has adopted a transgender child. Not just any child, mind you, but a golden retriever puppy named 'Caitlyn Jenner-ations' who, according to the mayor's spokesperson, 'identifies as a majestic floof in a female dog body'.
The sudden shift in McMillan's position has left even the most seasoned LGBTQ+ activists scratching their heads (and perhaps re-evaluating their choice of headwear). The mayor's previous statements included a call to ban drag queen story time – a practice she now apparently supports, as Caitlyn 'helps' her read bedtime stories involving 'a brave, gender-fluid squirrel named Hunter Biden who finds his inner rainbow'.
'It's a testament to the transformative power of unconditional love,' explained McMillan's spokesperson, before adding, with a wink and a nudge, 'and maybe a few strategically placed rainbow-colored dog toys'. The spokesperson also confirmed that Caitlyn's gender transition was 'remarkably smooth,' involving a series of expensive organic kibble blends and a personalized lavender-scented doggy spa experience, paid for using taxpayer funds, naturally.
Critics, of course, are up in arms, questioning the hypocrisy, the legality, and whether Caitlyn's new collar should feature a 'they/them' pronoun patch. Conservative pundit Tucker Carlson has already aired a segment on the incident, labeling it as 'another example of the radical woke agenda infiltrating our furry friends and threatening the very fabric of American bacon sandwiches'.
Meanwhile, Caitlyn appears blissfully unaware of the political firestorm she's ignited. Her current priorities include chewing on a rainbow-colored squeaky toy shaped like a tiny pair of high heels and strategically placing her floofy butt squarely in the middle of the mayor's anti-transgender pamphlets, in a poignant act of silent, furry protest that's making the internet positively lose its collective mind. Stay tuned, folks, this story is certainly a dog's breakfast of delicious absurdity!
