In a shocking exposé that’s sure to send shivers down the spines of the perpetually perplexed, renowned geneticist Professor Quentin Quibble has been outed – not as gay, mind you, but as a closet rainbow warrior! Professor Quibble, known for his staunchly heteronormative pronouncements on the non-existence of 'LGBTQ genes' (a phrase he insists on air-quoting with excessive vigor), has been secretly breeding mice in a clandestine underground lab beneath his perfectly manicured lawn. These aren't just any mice, folks. We're talking technicolor rodents – a veritable Pride parade of pink, blue, green, and even a delightfully gender-fluid lavender hue.
Sources within the highly secretive 'Mouse Liberation Front' (a name apparently chosen after a three-hour brainstorming session involving copious amounts of artisanal cheese and Sauvignon Blanc) claim that Professor Quibble’s research is far more than just a hobby. Whispers suggest that he’s attempting to prove that the 'gay gene' (another air-quoted offender) isn't just a thing, but a thing of beauty, capable of producing rodents with far more fabulous fur coats than the norm.
“It’s a total paradigm shift,” squealed one anonymous informant, their voice obscured by a filter making them sound like a chipmunk on helium. “He’s weaponizing cuteness to dismantle the heteronormative hegemony! He’s… he’s practically a furry activist!”
Meanwhile, Mrs. Quibble, a woman who believes the only valid form of self-expression is perfectly alphabetized spice racks, remains blissfully unaware of her husband’s chromatic escapades. “Quentin’s just working late on his… research,” she confided, before meticulously rearranging her collection of antique salt shakers.
Professor Quibble has yet to comment, possibly because he’s too busy meticulously applying glitter glue to a particularly flamboyant mouse named ‘Kim Petras’ (sources confirm it is indeed named after the pop star, further emphasizing the project's revolutionary and audacious nature). But one thing’s for certain: This isn't just science; it's performance art. It's a call to arms. It's… well, it's pretty damn weird, but in a delightfully woke way. Stay tuned for further developments as this story unfolds… or should we say, unfurls, like a giant rainbow flag made of mouse fur.
