In a shocking turn of events that has sent ripples – or perhaps tidal waves of glitter – through the devout community, Pastor Greg (yes, *that* Greg) of the 'Holy Rollercoaster' Evangelical megachurch accidentally came out during Sunday's sermon. While delivering a fiery condemnation of…well, pretty much everything, Pastor Greg inexplicably transitioned mid-sentence from railing against 'the sinful lifestyle' to a passionate declaration of his love for 'the wonderfully flamboyant Chad from the choir.'

Eyewitnesses report a collective gasp, followed by the rustling of hymnals as congregants scrambled for their phones to record the 'historic' moment. One attendee, Brenda (who identifies as a 'recovering Karen'), stated: "I swear, he said something about Chad's 'divine posterior' being a beacon of hope. I thought my dentures were going to spontaneously combust."

The internet, predictably, exploded. #PastorGreg #Chad #AccidentalComingOut trends are currently dominating Twitter, with debates ranging from the theological implications of a 'bi-curious God' to the practicality of incorporating drag queen story hour into Sunday school. The official statement from the Holy Rollercoaster church? A rather vague declaration that 'Greg is currently on a soul-searching retreat in Maui, accompanied by his spiritual advisor, who also happens to be a renowned RuPaul's Drag Race judge.'

Experts are divided. Dr. Philomena Flibbertigibbet, a leading theologian (and self-proclaimed 'witchy bisexual'), claims the incident 'proves that the divine is far more fluid and fabulous than we ever imagined.' Meanwhile, the more traditional, and frankly terrified, segments of the population are resorting to prayer circles and heavy consumption of cable news.

What does this all mean? Well, it certainly means one thing: grab your sashes, polish your halos, and prepare for the upcoming 'Holy Matrimony' between tradition and the gloriously queer, because this isn't just a coming out; it's a coming-out party that's shaking the very foundations of the American church…one glitter-bomb at a time.