In a stunning twist that's simultaneously baffling and breathtakingly ironic, renowned geneticist Dr. Bartholomew Butterfield, known for his staunch (some might say stubbornly heteronormative) denial of any genetic basis for LGBTQ+ identities, has adopted two adorable gay twins. The twins, whose names – Kim and Kanye – were reportedly chosen by Dr. Butterfield himself, are said to be 'exceptionally flamboyant' and boast a combined wardrobe larger than the Smithsonian's textile collection.
Dr. Butterfield, whose previous research involved claiming that same-sex attraction is merely a 'temporary phase caused by a deficiency in artisanal cheese consumption,' has refused to comment on this apparent contradiction. Sources close to the scientist (who wish to remain anonymous, citing concerns about their 'performative allyship' being discovered) claim the doctor has been 'struggling with the complexities of his own internalized homophobia' while simultaneously perfecting a new soufflé recipe using only organic, locally sourced ingredients.
The adoption has sent shockwaves through the scientific community, triggering a frenzied debate on Twitter between scientists claiming this proves a clear genetic predisposition towards homosexuality (with accompanying graphs comparing the twins' outfits to the latest runways trends) and others claiming it proves precisely the *opposite* – somehow simultaneously disproving genetics while also proving its existence.
Meanwhile, Kim and Kanye Butterfield have already launched their own highly successful Instagram influencer careers, promoting sustainable rainbow-colored clothing and artisanal cheese. Experts suggest their influence may soon rival the combined power of the Kardashians and the entire nation of Denmark. Dr. Butterfield, meanwhile, continues his research, hoping to discover a gene that explains the undeniable fact that his adopted sons are completely fabulous, and may or may not be planning a gender-reveal party for his new chihuahua, which he has reportedly named 'Gender-Neutral Fluffernutter'.
