In a move that has left the internet simultaneously baffled and slightly aroused, CEO of MegaCorp, Chad Thundercock (yes, really), announced a company-wide ban on LGBTQ+ employees while simultaneously donating a cool million dollars to the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD). Sources say the announcement was made while Chad, clad in a sequined rainbow jumpsuit, was simultaneously twerking and conducting a board meeting via Zoom.

'It's a paradox, darling, a queer paradox!' Chad reportedly exclaimed, before taking a sip of his kale smoothie and adding, 'Think of it as… *affirmative action*… but in reverse. It’s disruptive innovation, people! You wouldn’t understand, you’re not woke enough.'

The ensuing chaos is, to put it mildly, fabulous. Social media is ablaze with theories ranging from Chad's sudden and inexplicable conversion to 'reverse homophobia' (a new term coined by self-proclaimed woke scholars), to the possibility that he's simply trying to trigger the libs. Some speculate it's a brilliant marketing ploy, aimed at capitalizing on the inherent irony of the situation. (The stock price is up 15%, so maybe they're right).

'I mean, it’s not like I *hate* gay people,' Chad clarified in a later statement, 'I just… find their… *vibrancy*… distracting. It affects productivity. But, you know, GLAAD does great work. So, win-win, right?'

Legal experts, however, are less amused. 'This is a blatant violation of countless anti-discrimination laws,' commented Brenda Handbag, a prominent civil rights lawyer, adding, 'And yet, he's somehow found a loophole by funding the very organization fighting for the rights of the people he's discriminating against! It's...masterful. Terrifyingly masterful.'

Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ employees of MegaCorp are reportedly organizing a drag show protest outside Chad's mansion, which, according to neighborhood gossip, features a rather impressive rainbow-colored slide. The irony, as they say, is not lost on them.