Washington D.C. – In a stunning turn of events that has left political pundits scratching their perfectly coiffed heads, Senator Bartholomew 'Bart' Bumble, known for his staunch opposition to any and all LGBTQ+ affirming legislation, has been secretly engaged to renowned drag queen, Crystal Methyd, for the past six months. Sources close to the Senator (who wish to remain anonymous for fear of being 'outed' as having ever met the man) revealed that the pair met at a fundraising gala hosted by a group explicitly dedicated to repealing marriage equality.

Senator Bumble, in a statement released through his spokesperson (who is currently trying to recall what 'marriage equality' actually means), said he is 'deeply concerned' about the 'radical agenda' of the LGBTQ+ community while simultaneously planning a lavish wedding ceremony featuring a six-tiered cake shaped like a rainbow – a rainbow he described as 'a disturbingly vibrant symbol of the liberal elite'.

"He's a complicated man," whimpered a close aide, clutching a glass of something that definitely wasn't water. "He believes in traditional values, but his definition of 'traditional' seems to have expanded to include feather boas and high heels."

Methyd, when reached for comment, simply sashayed away, leaving behind a trail of glitter and a cryptic note reading, "Honey, darling, bless your heart. Now, about those donations…"

This revelation has sent shockwaves through the political landscape, leaving many to question whether the Senator's 'deeply held concerns' are fueled by genuine conviction or a desperate attempt to deflect attention from his surprisingly flamboyant personal life. Stay tuned for further updates as this story unfolds – and don't be surprised if we suddenly see a surge in sales of pink sequined suits.