In a move that has left political commentators scratching their heads (and possibly their wigs), Senator Bartholomew Bigglesworth, known for his staunch opposition to transgender rights – specifically, the right to exist without constant questioning – has enthusiastically endorsed a new, multi-million dollar initiative for trans-inclusive healthcare. The bill, affectionately dubbed ‘Hormones for the Homies’ by its supporters (and, inexplicably, by Senator Bigglesworth himself), promises to revolutionize access to hormone replacement therapy and gender-affirming surgeries for the transgender community.
Sources close to the Senator (who insisted on remaining anonymous, citing ‘fear of being relentlessly and hilariously mocked on Twitter’) suggest Bigglesworth’s sudden shift is purely pragmatic. "He figured, if he can't stop the trans parade, he might as well sell the rainbow flags," one source whispered, before adding, under his breath, "He also saw a chart showing how much money Big Pharma is likely to donate to his re-election campaign."
Opponents have, predictably, lost their minds. Representative Chad Chadlington, known for his intellectually stimulating policy ideas (like banning the color purple), cried foul, claiming the initiative is "a blatant attempt to normalize…well, normal people, aren’t they? I mean, isn’t everyone just…human? Is this all just a big…*gasp*…social experiment?" His comments were met with a round of confused applause from his equally perplexed colleagues.
Meanwhile, the LGBTQ+ community is abuzz with excitement…and a healthy dose of skepticism. "It’s like he’s saying, ‘Trans people are a threat, but a very profitable one,’" quipped activist and reality TV star, Trixie Mattel’s drag daughter, Miss Fame-ily. "Honey, where's the money coming from? Is Big Oil finally getting woke? Are they paying in glitter? I need answers!"
Senator Bigglesworth, when asked for comment, simply winked and replied, "Honey, I'm just here for the pronouns. And the campaign donations. And the parade…that parade looks fabulous."
